Family Man/Transcript
Sunset Arms Boarding House (The tenants are having dinner. As Mr. Hyunh is buttering a dinner roll, it slips out of his hands and Abner catches it) Ernie :What's the matter, Hyunh? You just shot a dinner roll halfway across the room. Mr. Hyunh :I'm just a little nervous. My new boss is coming to the restaurant tomorrow. He's going to pick a new head chef. Susie :Well that's exciting, I'm sure he'll pick you. Mr. Hyunh :Maybe, but I'm worried. There's another chef, Rockwell, who wants the job too. Arnold :Is he a good chef? Mr. Hyunh :He's terrible! He doesn't even know how to make a taco! He puts the cheese first, then tomato, then meat, it is crazy! Ernie :If he's a lousy chef, I'm sure the new boss will give you the top job. Arnold :Don't worry, Mr. Hyunh. Mr. Hyunh :Yes, okay. (accidentally shoots another roll) Ernie :Incoming. (dodges the roll) El Patio Oskar :Oh come on, why can't you just give me one taco? Mr. Hyunh :I told you, Oskar, only the head chef can give away free food. Oskar :But you're almost head chef. Mr. Hyunh :Yes, but not yet. Now go, my new boss, Mr. Camacho, will be here any minute. Oskar :Okay, but when they make you the new head chef, then you can give me all the free food I want, right? (while he's talking Mr. Hyunh sees a limo park outside and Mr. Camacho steps out.) Mr. Hyunh :Oh, yes yes yes, now go, go please! (Oskar walks by Mr. Camacho who then walks up to Mr. Hyunh) Mr. Hyunh :Mr. Camacho. Mr. Camacho :That's right, and your name? Mr. Hyunh :Oh, my name? Well my name is- Mr. Camacho :Never mind, never mind, I see it on your name tag, Hyunh right, I heard about you. Good chef, glad to meet you. Mr. Hyunh :Oh, thank you. Mr. Camacho :Now that I've bought El Patio, I want you to know that I'm turning this place into a family restaurant. I'm all about family, and that's what I want El Patio to be about; family. El Patio is going to be a family place to be. Now in a few days I'm going to be picking a head chef, and I want a family man. You must be Rockwell, the other chef. I've heard about you too. Got a family? Rockwell :Oh yes sir. Buddy, Sissy, Jane, Mary, and of course, the light of my life, Edwina. Mr. Camacho :Very impressive. Sunset Arms Boarding House (Later that day, the tenants are having dinner except Mr. Hyunh. He picks up a tomato and it slips out of his hand. Oskar catches it) Arnold :Are you still worried about your promotion? Mr. Hyunh :Yes. I'm afraid my new boss is going to pick Rockwell for head chef because he has a big perfect family. Arnold :That shouldn't matter. Mr. Hyunh :Oh, it matters very much to my boss; family, family, family, it's all he cares about. Arnold :I'm sure your boss will pick the best chef. And that has to be you. Mr. Hyunh :I don't know. I don't have a big family, only my daughter, Mai, and Rockwell, he has a big picture of his family right on the wall. Arnold :Don't worry, Mr. Hyunh. I'm sure everything will work out. Ernie :Yeah the kid's right, don't sweat it. (The next day) Oskar :Mr. Hyunh, before you go, I have a present for you. Mr. Hyunh :A present? Oskar :It's a family photograph. You put it up on the wall and your boss can see that you have a wife and a son and a father; a big family. And then he will give you the job of head chef, and you can give me free tacos whenever I want. Mr. Hyunh :Oh, Oskar, that is a terrible idea. That is dishonest. Oskar :You want the promotion, don't you? Mr. Hyunh :Yes, but- I have to go to work. (Unknown to him, Oskar puts the picture into Mr. Hyunh's pocket.) El Patio Rockwell :And every night after I help Buddy and Sissy with their homework, I play checkers with Jane and Mary. Mr. Camacho :Very impressive. Family, that's what it's all about. Oh by the way, I hope you know I've got my eye on you for the head chef job. Haven't made up my mind yet, but you're a front runner. (Mr. Hyunh hears this, and then discovers the picture Oskar put in his coat pocket. Mr. Camacho then walks up to him.) Mr. Camacho :Wow, Hyunh! I didn't realize you had a family. Mr. Hyunh :Oh, well, you know? Mr. Camacho :That must be your wife and son. Mr. Hyunh :Okay - I mean, yes, that they must be. Mr. Camacho :Who's that? Your father? Mr. Hyunh :Oh-oh-okay. Mr. Camacho :Funny, though, he don't look much like you. Mr. Hyunh :Well, uh-uh, he was adopted, I mean, I was adopted, by my father, him, he adopted me. Mr. Camacho :Well that's just fine. You know, Hyunh, you seem like a real family man. I want you to know I've got my eye on you for the job of head chef. I haven't made up my mind yet, but you're a front runner. Mr. Hyunh :Oh, thank you. Mr. Camacho :You're welcome. Mr. Hyunh :Yes! Mr. Camacho :Oh, one more thing; I had dinner at Rockwell's place last night, really got to know the family. And now I want to meet yours. I'll be over tomorrow night. Mr. Hyunh :Tomorrow night? Mr. Camacho :6:00 sharp. I'm looking forward to meeting your whole family. Mr. Hyunh :My family? Sunset Arms Boarding House (Later, the tenants are at the dining room; Mr. Hyunh enters) Mr. Hyunh :Everyone! I have terrible, terrible news! Tomorrow night, my boss is coming to dinner. He thinks you all are my family. He thinks I'm married to Susie, and Arnold is my son, and Grandpa is my father. (At this, Grandpa spits his drink on Arnold) Ernie :Boy, Hyunh, you sure messed this baby up. Mr. Hyunh :I-I don't know what to do. Arnold :I think you should just come clean and tell your boss the truth. Oskar :He can't tell him the truth, his boss will know he's a liar and fire him, and then Mr. Hyunh will become a poor homeless beggar. Mr. Hyunh :Oh, what a disaster! Ernie :Who says he has to find out? Look, all we have to do is pretend for one night that we're Hyunh's family. I mean, we practically are his family anyway, except for the fact that we're not related and we don't like each other. Suzie :It's true, we are kinda like his family. Grandpa :I agree, especially the kinda part. Ernie :I'm telling you, we could pull this off. Suzie :I suppose I could pretend to be Mrs. Hyunh for just one night. Ernie :And I'll be his brother, Edwin. Arnold will be his son, Grandpa will be his father. Grandma :(coming in from the kitchen) And I'll be Mary, Queen of Scots! Grandpa :Pookie, you'll stay out of the way. Arnold :I still think we should tell the truth, but, I guess we could do this for Mr. Hyunh. Ernie :Sure we can! Oskar :That's right, let's do this! Grandpa :It's crazy, but it just might work. Ernie :Now come on, people, we got a lot of work to do. (The next day, everyone prepares for Mr. Camacho's visit. Oskar and Suzie paint over the boarding house rules, Mr. Hyunh cooks and lets the pets out, and they put up a sign that says "Hyunh's Family". Fade to later that night) Grandpa :Wait, I didn't know we're gonna have to get dressed up. Mr. Hyunh :Grandpa, put on your jacket. He's going to be here any minute! Grandpa :Alright, stop that. By the way, I'm gonna call you Sonny. (doorbell rings; Mr. Hyunh opens it) Mr. Hyunh :Hello, please come in. Mr. Camacho :This must be your family. Mr. Hyunh :This is my wife Suzie, and my son Arnold, my brother Edwin, and Grandpa, I mean, my father. Mr. Camacho :Glad to meet ya. Oskar :Oh, and I am Armando, Mr. Hyunh's rich half-brother, from a tiny hidden palace in Lithuania. (laughs) Mr. Camacho :What do you got to drink? (cut to everyone at dinner) Mr. Camacho :You know, it's none of by business but I can't help noticing that your son doesn't look much like you or your lovely wife. Mr. Hyunh :(drops his fork) Oh, well, that's because, that's because- Grandpa :It's because he takes after me. Right, sonny? (laughs) Mr. Hyunh :That's right, uh, he takes after Grandpa, I mean Papa. Mr. Camacho :But I thought you said your papa was adopted, I mean, I thought you said he adopted you. Mr. Hyunh :Yes, th-th-th-that's right. Bu-bu-but more time Arnold spends with Grandpa, I mean Papa, more he begin look like him. It's strange phemenon, but scientifically proven. (accidentally flings Arnold's mashed potatoes on the floor, where Abner eats it. Mr. Camacho then looks over to Mr. Hyunh who is smiling awkwardly) Mr. Camacho :So how did you and your husband meet, Ms. Hyunh? (Suzie is still eating, but Arnold elbows her to get her attention) Suzie :Oh, well actually Arnold introduced us. Mr. Camacho :Arnold? But, I thought he was your son. How could your son introduce you to your husband? Mr. Hyunh :Bu-but, you see, it was another Arnold. Arnold Shasinagar, the movie star, introduced us. And so we named our son Arnold after him. Grandpa :Pass the peas, sonny. Mr. Hyunh :Yes, Grandpa. Mr. Camacho :Grandpa? Why do you keep calling him Grandpa? I thought he was your father. Mr. Hyunh :Yes, he's my father, and my grandfather. He's loss only. Very complete headed. Mr. Camacho :I'll have a refill. Grandma :Hello everyone! Mr. Camacho :Who is she? Mr. Hyunh :She...she...uhhh...she's??? Grandma :Why, I'm his sister. Mr. Camacho :Your sister? Grandma :And I'm also Mary, Queen of Scots. (whacks him with her cane and cackles; he sees Arnold smiling nervously, stands up angrily and slams his bib down) Mr. Camacho :All right that's it! Something funny is going on here! And I demand to know what it is! Mr. Hyunh :The truth is, I have been lying. This not my wife, and he's not my father. They are not my brothers, and Arnold is not really my son. Mr. Camacho :So you're not really related to any of these people. Mr. Hyunh :No. Mr. Camacho :And you don't have a family at all. Mr. Hyunh :No, except for my daughter. I only told you these people were my families, because I wanted the job as a head chef. And I thought you won't give it to me unless I was a big family man. Mr. Camacho :Well, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a liar. I can't tell you how disappointed I am, Mr. Hyunh. You're a good chef, much better than that Rockwell befony. Can't even make a taco. He puts the cheese in first, then the tomatoes, then the meat. It's crazy! I wanted you to be my head chef, but now that I know you're not only not a family man, but a liar. I'm afraid I have no choice but to fire you. Mr. Hyunh :Yes, I understand. I'm sorry. Arnold :Wait a minute, that's not fair. Maybe Mr. Hyunh did lie about a few things, but he only did it because you were more worried about having a head chef with a big family than you were about having a head chef who's a really good cook. And the truth is, even though we're not all actually related, we're still a family. We all live in this house together. Mr. Hyunh looks out for me as an uncle. He looks out for all of us, and we look out for him. We spend holidays together, and birthdays, and whenever one of us has a problem, we help each other out. That's why we all did this; to help Mr. Hyunh. We may not be a normal family, but we're still a family. Suzie :Arnold's right. Grandpa :We're a family, kinda. Arnold :And Mr. Hyunh's family. Mr. Camacho :Is this true, Hyunh? Mr. Hyunh :Yes, they are all like my family, but I should never have let them lie and pretend for me. I should have just told you the truth in the first place. I'm sorry. I'll get your coat. Mr. Camacho :Wait a minute, just hold on here. Maybe I've been looking at this family business the wrong way. Maybe being a family man doesn't mean you have to have a traditional family and you surely don't, but I can see you all care about each other like any other family. And that's all it's important to me. Now I still don't approve of the kind of charade you pulled tonight, but despite of the fact, after listening to young Arnold here I, I can see you're just the kind of family man my restaurant needs. Mr. Hyunh, I want you to be my new head chef. (all of the tenants cheer) Mr. Hyunh :Ooh, thank you! El Patio Mr. Hyunh :Here you go, Arnold. A big combo platter on the house. Oskar :What do I get? Mr. Hyunh :You get a taco, made by Rockwell. (points at Rockwell grumbling and clearing out the dishes) Oskar :But he doesn't even know how to make a taco. He puts the cheese in first then the tomatoes then the meat. It's crazy. Category:Family Man Category:Episode transcripts